My AH and I have been best friends for 20 years and there is still lot of love between us, but the bottom line is that his #1 priority "true love" now is alcohol. The game has changed. There is a 'mistress' that demands his attention now. His shadow side has taken over. I grieve the man he used to be --- or was he ever that man?. I'm not willing to have a three way marriage. I do find that in looking back over the years, there are a lot of red flags I should have paid better attention to. I don't think you'll find a perfect marriage. Somebody once told me "There is no Mr. Right, but there is a Mr. We Can Make It Work."
Unfortunately you can't make it work when your spouse is in love with filling their emptiness inside with alcohol. The damage done by living in an alcoholic relationship is severe, and hard to overcome.