WTBH...
I understand the insanity all too well. Like you, I am dealing with an abusive alcoholic. The verbal abuse is, IMHO, probably more cunning and baffling than the alcoholism. The crazymaking drove me absolute nuts. I spent so much time trying to 1) get him to understand my reality and 2) figure out if maybe I was crazy.
What has worked wonders for me is... Al-anon, a sponsor, two therapists, and Patricia Evans, "The Verbally Abusive Relationship". Stepping out of our alcoholic family system has quite literally saved my life. I went to healthy support places for the validation I so desperately wanted - validation that my AH just could not/would not give me.
I no longer get sucked into the cycle... which for us sounds alot like yours... I put my foot down, AH gets angry and tries to deny any wrong, then he switches to blame-shifting (I am the reason for whatever is wrong), and then it moves into the whole "woe-is-me/I can do no right/I'm worthless" pity party stuff. My AH, like yours, literally went through all 3 phases in a 5 minute talk last night. The difference now is that I didn't participate. I stood there and calmly restated my boundaries. I know what I know. These ARE the facts, no matter what kind of manipulative crap my AH tries to pull.
Feet planted squarely in reality. Why? Because I'm dealing with an active, abusive alcoholic. I have no other choice but to detach from that insanity.
You are NOT crazy... but trying to figure out an active alcoholic will certainly screw with your mind!!