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Old 10-03-2011, 09:17 AM
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byrank
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 22
Do we really love addicts?

I am pretty new to this forum. I just started al-anon. But I really have started to question my relationship with my alcoholic wife. Do I really love her? I have a physical attraction to her that pales in comparison to anything. I would rather be with her than any Victoria's Secret model. She never was model hot, but for me she was perfect.

But now I am wondering...what else is there? She is an alcoholic. Not someone who drinks too much and is obnoxious. An ALCOHOLIC. She lies, manipulates, blames me, circumstances, and the kids. She still does not come clean about the nature of the wrongs. She is a completely different person using and is unrecognizable.

I guess the question is how can there be love between a man and a woman without trust? To me trust goes hand and hand with love. Without trust, you cannot really give yourself to another feely. You always hold back. I know she doesnt trust me. She hides herself. I would accept the flawed human she is if she was honest, but she lies and hides it. She wont share. I no longer share because I dont trust she will be a good steward of my love. She will hurt me somehow. I now over compensate with physical attention.

Do I love an idea of her that I created that she will never live up to? Do I love the idea I made in my mind of how life and marriage was supposed to be? How do we come to terms with whether or not we actual love this person who has caused so much pain? How do we determine the best course of action for the whole family once we realize the answer?

Thanks
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