The best analogy I have at 7:30 in the morning is that your feeling that life will suck without alcohol is like someone reluctant to tackle their paranoia because everyone is out to get them
IME feeling the way you do it s SYMPTOM of your alcoholism. It's not real.
Reminding myself of that in early sobriety kept me sober. Hope it helps you, too.
I truly may NEVER be able to pick up a drink again
There is no 'may'! You really can't pick up a drink again. And that's a wonderful, liberating thing!