freethinking

I'm not sure if I believe this entirely. Understanding and separating the addictive voice in my head from my rational thoughts has been amazingly helpful. My addictive voice is very sneaky and wants to break me down to a point of thinking everything sucks by always having me see the worst in situations and people...this is my pattern usually: 1-2 months before drinking again, which follows what most would call a "pink cloud" period, I start having really negative thoughts about people and situations. I eventually get to a point of always being pissed off. Once I get to this point, the AV swoops in and flat out shows itself by saying "It would be great to have a few drinks again and get the warm, happy buzzy feeling". This is the first time I have ever recognized this pattern, even though I have not declared a Big Plan. This is what I mean by how I do not follow RR wholly. The concept of the addictive voice makes a tremendous amount of sense to me and I see my AV in a much broader sense than only as suggestions to drink. However, personally I do not feel it is necessary for me to make or say a "big plan" to myself. To me, it makes perfect sense to not want to waste time on any declaration of never drinking again when I have done so many times before and failed. I just don't make declarations anymore period, but I do envision very comfortably an alcohol-free future. I've never been able to see that before without tremendous doubt. That's just me, but I can completely understand that if you are a devout follower of AVRT that this would be The Beast talking. Can I envision, for the first time ever, a happy life without drinking? Absolutely. I just don't declare anything anymore. It reminds me of my old program to be honest, even though they only focused on the day (as opposed to your whole life). But that is just my interpretation.

The only real way I have used the ABCs from SMART is by disputing my constant, irrational, deep-seated and irrational belief that more or less states: "Life has to be fair. People cannot frustrate me. I am owed more than I get from life". I have to adjust my beliefs to accept "Life is not fair, it owes you nothing, and people will frustrate you and you have to accept and tolerate that". Although all of this is part of SMART, I think it stemmed from Trimpey. When people or life make me angry on a constant basis, which happens often and usually leads me to drinking (as I recognize now), I need to dispute my irrational belief as stated above. I do not use it other than that because I more or less trust my assessments of people and situations. Yes, people can suck but that is life sometimes.

I agree with this (I should have called it a desensitization technique, if anything), thanks for bringing this to my attention. This is a facet to my constant failures to stay away from drinking that I have not tapped into. I need to stop being scared of alcohol, because I am afraid. The thought of a bottle of vodka being near me and smelling it gives me anxiety. I need to take that excitement and power away.

BTW, I hope I haven't offended here by going off on my tangent. I am not disputing AVRT by any means....but I'd be lying if I said I was employing it by the book in any way.