I have a ton of credit card debt because I was constantly bailing XABF out of his unhealthy spending practices. He also decided where he wanted to spend the bonuses I received at work, including some rather large ones, and these choices were not what I would have chosen. I did the math once, and if I hadn't met XABF, and instead had just not spent that money, I'd have $0 in credit card debt and $80k in the bank. When we met my entire debt consisted of $300 I hadn't yet paid off on the very-high-end laptop I had just purchased.
I never married him, and although I'm sure there are some things I could do to try and get that money back, I decided I'd rather have a clean break and be done with it. He'd never be able to pay me back anyway, and the more I would try to get the money from him, the more violent he would get, or the more he'd try to weasel his way back into my life.
I'm paying off the debt, little by little, and I still have more money to spend on things that I want, if I want to do that. My tastes are not nearly as expensive as his, the most expensive thing I want right now is a $900 lifetime subscription to National Geographic (something I've wanted my whole life, since they were only $200), and I've already promised that to myself for Christmas next year. (In the meantime, I have a yearly subscription, which is almost as good, and much cheaper).
More importantly, I have peace of mind. I stood my ground with other things, I went completely no contact and informed the employee assistance program therapist of any attempts on his part to break that. (We work at the same place; he could have been fired for his attempts to contact or stalk me - I made it clear with the therapist that on the next attempt I would go to HR about the issue, and the message was properly conveyed because he never tried after that.)
I don't feel like I was weak at all, and while I regret some of the things I lost while in the relationship, I do not regret not going after the money. To me, it would be the same as showing up at his mother's house to demand my really nice camping chair which lives in his basement, or the really comfortable pillow I brought over for the nights I stayed there. Sure, they're nice things, but I don't need them, and I can eventually replace them if I want to.
I got to keep what I needed, everything else can be replaced - and in the meantime, I also kept the moral high ground.
No matter what happened, or how he acted when I was working towards my extraction from the relationship, I do not regret the actions that I have taken, and I feel that I acted with compassion, for both him and myself.
That's worth a lot more to me than $100k, a camping chair, an expensive pillow, the cost of a moving truck to ship his things to his mothers, and everything else that he got to keep.
Peace of mind is priceless. <3