DavidR7845

Hi everyone, I am now a week off 90 days sober and seem to be finding it harder and harder to stay off drink. Over the last few days I have had to seriosly dicipline myself and there usually has to be a solid good reason for me not to drink on any given evening apart from the blindingly obvious fact I have a real problem when I drink. I have been clinging on for days like this, focusing on what I have to do the next day and how drinking might affect that, today it was work I had to get up for in the morning. I am seriously considering going back to AA. I live in the UK and the bottle shops close at 10pm here, at 21:36 I finally cracked and bolted out the door. I stalled and delayed as much as possible after leaving the house, walking around I felt the choice was slipping out of my hands and realised then that for that reason alone I would have huge issues if I picked up. With a depressed resignation, I left the supermarket without buying alcohol. My head was in bits. That is the strongest urge I have resisted so far. I then sat on the side of a bridge along the water, and just spaced out for a bit, watching the stars and the planes, depressed, thinking nothing has changed. The pub was still open but I wasn't tempted, I thought well yeah if I wanted one drink or even two or three but when is that ever enough?? Actually, sometimes its enough, sometimes two or three is enough, or one is just perfect, but these occasions are few and far between and the pieces have to fit together perfectly like a magic jigsaw. I only seem to remember magic jigsaws and if I had my way would skip idyllically from square to square and that would be my life, you know. But its a bit more complicated than that. I'm happy to be sober for one more day and will set myself on day 90, thanks for all your support guys