Thread: Fight or Run?
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Old 09-29-2011, 11:45 AM
  # 15 (permalink)  
Tuffgirl
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 4,719
Anvil - I thought about my motivation here, and ya know, it isn't the money (although some relief would be nice, given I support 3 people here and he supports only himself) but more the idea that he can make a serious commitment and then walk away as if none of it mattered at all, while leaving the dead bodies in the wake. AND - pointing the finger at me - again - while he's walking away. I know it is ludicrous to think I have any power to change someone's perspective, but again I get caught up in the idea of worth.

I thought he was worth investing in. I believed him when he said we had a future, therefore I was perfectly ok with investing in his, knowing full well I could end up with nothing because what I was investing in did not have my name on it. I simply took him at his word that he would sell his house, as I initially sold mine, to buy a marital home for us all. That never happened, and I doubt he ever had any intention of doing it anyway.

So as irrational as it sounds, I feel like the girls and I are worth SOMETHING here - we committed to this and invested in it and now he wants to toss us away as if we mean nothing and are entitled to nothing.

It seems all WRONG somehow to just walk away, severing all ties, without asking him to step up. But on the other hand, he has never stepped up before so I am insane myself to think he will now. And, is it my place to force some realization here? According to my recovery, that is not my job...and according to my 40 years of life wisdom, the universe has a way of taking care of that without my help or input.

Gosh reading this makes me realize I just need to get out of this mess and if that means paying off a debt myself, so be it. Yeesh. What a horrible 3 years and by far, the biggest mistake of my life.
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