Tuffgirl-
My exAH and I had no debt occurred during the marriage, except our mortgage. Either of us could pay it on our own. His family has a lot of money, mine has plenty but not an abundance.
We had a relatively amicable parting considering.
At times though there was a lot of blaming especially about finances from him. He was REALLY angry when our house (that I was buying from him) did not appraise as high as he thought it was worth for example. When we divided joint property things that I was keeping came out in value about 50 dollars different from each other he went ballistic (he really wanted me to owe him something). I had been working fulltime plus the year and a half prior to our divorce in part because his father was on hospice. Between his father's illness and the economy he was not working very much. I had paid for all the extras during that year. He was not willing to discuss that additional money that I had contributed for example.
It was easier for me at the time to just sigh, not make waves and settle. I have enough in retirement and with careful financial planning have enough to pay all my bills and then some.
Almost a year later this morning I had a good cry about it. I am ANGRY at myself for settling and not making waves. Part of me did not think I was worth fighting for, and that is why I behaved the way I did. I am grateful that I got out, and that it was done fairly easily, please don't read into this that I am not.
I just expected (gets me every time) that it would be a black and white issue for me. I took the high road right...I will feel good about that. It is not as easy as that.
In no way am I trying to tell you which way to go. I am starting to realize that I would probably have unresolved emotions regardless of how I choose to act at that time. I just want to support you that it is not an easy choice and that regardless of the choice you make you will have strong feelings about it for time to come.
I want the world to be in black and white, and it is always shades of grey.