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Old 09-29-2011, 06:19 AM
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gneiss
Never settle.
 
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Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Under immense pressure
Posts: 1,505
Sorta OT: Negative thoughts and sarcasm

I've always been a little sarcastic, but when I was doing drugs- and as a result I was really negative about everything, starting with myself and everyone around me- it got really bad. I guess it's sort of a security blanket at this point? There are people who I am more sarcastic around, usually people who have criticized me in the past and particularly when I've been honest with someone and whatever I said was criticized or met with a sarcastic remark. It's likely with some of them that they said something honest to me once, and it made me uncomfortable so I popped off one of those semi-witty zingers of mine, and now who can blame them for being uncomfortable replying honestly to me? And some of these people have done stuff I just plain resent, and maybe my sarcasm with them is basically because I'm still mad about something. How passive-aggressive of me!

Sometimes if I'm just bsing with friends a little zinger is ok, we're just joking around after all. But it's constant with me. Plus... aren't there more intelligent ways to joke around? There must be! But then I watch late-night talk shows and ZOMG the monologue is really just a string of sarcastic comments.

So I'd like to stop that, but... my goodness how hard it is. I don't even realize I'm doing it until I'm halfway through it, and by then the damage is done. With the people who have hurt me in the past (I feel like such a whiner saying stuff like that, but it's still true) I feel like I have a couple choices: if it's not that big of a deal, I should let it go. If I can't let it go I need to decide whether I should bring it up with that person (in a friendly manner) or just move that friendship 'to the back burner.'

I kinda feel like if I were a little more successful at thinking positively it might be a little easier for me. So I am working on that, too. I used to be so optimistic, but in a way I feel like I've seen the other side of people now, directly as a result of drinking and drugging. And it's a lot harder to be optimistic now; I can't unsee that stuff.

That will be the last time you see me use ZOMG. :P
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