Yes it is had to deal with and it is o.k. to grieve it's all part of the healing process, but at the same time you need to do some nice things for yourself... I took things slow during the grieving process for example... One Day I might do my nails, next day go for a long walk and write down notes, little by little I started getting better... He has weighed you down long enough, don't give him anymore of your energy or time... It was meant for you to find these things out even though it's hard... Hang in here with us, I promise it will get better.