Wow- I can really relate. The "I know I should leave but I love him"... and feeling trapped (bc of no job and struggling to find one- me too!)
I don't know what to tell you changed with me but something shifted and I'm jobless, few if any prospects job wise, but I realized I couldn't take it anymore (the I'm working a program when it was clear he wasn't and I was miserable with who he was and with who I was with him) and we're separated.
The financial irresponsibility, the behavior of middle aged fathers that looks like that of teens, grown men who seem annoyed by the reality of what responsible adult life looks like... I've lived with all of it. My anger was always simmering below the surface bc I couldn't stand how he acted and who he was and I was stuck hoping he'd change, demanding he change etc... Nothing changed of course.
I made him leave finally and am happier than I've ever been. It's not bc things are great, easy etc... I just feel like the weight of the world isn't on my shoulders anymore.
Thinking of you.