I am trying to reconcile the fact that even though my RAH says he's working his program...it's clear he is not. He says he's on step 6...I'm not seeing it. But it's his program...
I'm really concerned that he is playing me...
Yes he is going to meetings. He is not drinking. He's 'hanging out' with his AA buddies after meetings for coffee or a late dinner. They come here and hang out occasionally (doesn't bother me in the least)...but not one of them is his age...they are all in their early 20's, unmarried and no kids. It's like he is stuck...he wants to be 20 again... He doesn't really associate with the Husbands/Fathers in the group much. It's just bizarre.
He is absolutely horrible with money. I used to take charge of paying all the bills and such. He would bring me his check and I'd deposit it in my account and pay bills. Now he has his own account. Pays the rent and nothing else..except his cell. I'm borrowing money from my parents to cover all the other bills..because hell if I know where the rest of the money is going. He says gas and cigarettes but that's crap. He eats out all the time, for lunch. After his meetings... It's just a PITA.
I just am at a loss.
I realized I am the person I never wanted to be...the woman who when asked why she didn't leave says "but I love him.."
Why can I not just say enough is enough. There are more lies than truths and I can't tell the difference anymore. The only real question is what is he lying about now...
So ... I'm just over it. I need a job. Applying all over town and praying the right job comes. I need to re evaluate this situation.
I am so unhappy.
But it's soooo hard to make a change.