You didn't cause it. You can't cure it. You can't control it.
He will play the blame game as long as you let him. I"m sorry your having a hard time. Grief is tricky. It's important to work through it and deal with it...even if you need to obtain some counseling to do so.
The part that involves him is over. He's shown that he has no intention of changing, working a program or trying to have a better life...
I encourage you to remember the bad stuff when you feel weak and want to pick up that phone... Keep at the no contact.
Good Luck...