Terminally Unique

Naturally. Your Beast sees a boozing opportunity, and is getting excited, salivating like a hog at feeding time. :-)

Why do you feel shaken? This is disease thinking nonsense, that "desire" is bad, and that it shouldn't exist. That is rubbish. Get it out of your head immediately.

I recall you saying that you still check that "sober time" calculator regularly, and it sounds like it might be catching up with you. I suggest you stop that habit, and remember that it is always now, and that it is never any easier or any more difficult to ignore desire than now.

Ask yourself:

How difficult has it been for you to abstain since making your Big Plan? You've obviously done it, so not too difficult, no?

How difficult is it right this moment for you to abstain? You are obviously sober, so not to difficult, no?

Now, realize that everything exists only in the present moment, that it always has been now, and that as your life goes on, regardless of the day, it will always be now as well. The future will never arrive, it will always be now, and likewise, it will never be any more difficult than it is right this moment to abstain.

In other words, you have nothing to fear. I realize this may not sink in right away, but ponder it.

Let it rattle, it can't hurt you. When you feel it squirm, rejoice. They are the death throes of a wounded animal trying to escape from its cage. It may be making one last adrenaline-fueled rush for the exit, as any beast would, but keep it locked up, and it will get the message and settle down.

AVRT is like a muscle, it gets easier the more you use it, so that eventually it becomes second nature, effortless.