I had a really hard time sorting out the whole expectations thing until a poster on here wrote it out in a way that suddenly made the lights come on for me. Maybe it will be the same way for you. Maybe not, lol.
Having expectations for "roles" is okay. Having expectations for individuals is what leads to disappointment and resentment. In other words, it's okay to expect certain things from "a husband," "a sister," "a business partner," and so on. Those are the standards DeVon is speaking of.
But, when you cast someone in one of the "roles" in your life, you don't get to demand that they meet your expectations. In fact, it's quite the other way around. If we are going to have certain expectations for a role, then we ought to be careful that the person we choose to fulfill that role already fits it.
In an ideal world, that's how it would happen. We would decide the kind of people we want in our lives and settle for nothing less. If someone stopped meeting the expectations of their role, we would remove them from it.
In the real world, it's more complicated than that. I, for one, didn't even realize I was settling until I already had. Then I had a mess to sort out. But, it still comes down to this. If the individual who is your husband does not meet your standards for the role of husband in your life, then you must either rethink your standards, or rethink his role. Those are really the only two choices. Making him into someone else is not an option. Not that you have to decide anything immediately, but that is the bottom line.
L