Alone22, I'm a guy so you'll have to forgive me, but I don't see the difference between needs and expectations.
I don't see a difference between
"for this relationship to work I need you to be loving, respectful, and honest"
and
"for this relationship to work I expect you to be loving, respectful, and honest"
The reality is that you are either getting what you want from the relationship or you aren't. Expecting him to change to meet your needs is just another example of control. The reality is that he is what he is, you either accept that or you don't. Change may happen but there is no way to be certain that it will.
Also realize that as his recovery progresses, assuming that it does, it may take him in directions that you are not anticipating.
BTW, what are you changing to meet his needs?
Your friend,