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Old 09-27-2011, 11:09 AM
  # 25 (permalink)  
laurie6781
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
 
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Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
(((((Alone22)))))

I see you are in California. I know for a fact that all over California are "Couples Meetings" where one partner is in AA or NA and one is in Alanon or Naranon. Maybe, in addition to MC you and he need to look for some of these and go to a few

just to see how others are managing and the 'hurdles' they had to overcome when the A of the partnership found recovery and 'how long it took some of them' to get over those hurdles.

I may be wrong, but as I read what you write, you still seem to have A LOT of 'expectations' and I have to tell you 'expectations' can be a killer to any relationship where yours is at now.

How about putting a 'hold' on those 'questions you NEED answered' and instead keep working on yourself, (including your expectations of others, lol) and give you and your H some space.

Move forward with the MC and 'topics' that can bring up more hurt for one or both of you might best just be brought up only at MC.

I am not trying to be mean, it is just that I see this a lot .................. the A finds recovery, the spouse or SO cannot understand why everything is just not moving forward and all is resolved.

Remember you and he are BOTH INJURED here. Some of the injuries are similar and some are not. You are now in the phase of putting 2 people together, both suffering from forms of PTSD and someone saying 'live happily ever after.' AIN'T going to happen, lol

So keep posting, keep a journal, that you can go back and read in a week or a month or 2 or 3, (it is there you will see 'the growth' or lack thereof of both of you), go to your MC, got to your meetings, and most of all TAKE CARE OF YOU.

Love and hugs,
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