Good points! For now sensitive topics such as money and where it is or has been spent will be discussed with the T. At this point he seems to keep a cooler head when we are with her. When the sex topic came up we were able to sit down together and talk about it and he did seem to understand why I felt the way I did, but I know I still walked away bugged by it all. He brought it up with the T when we saw her, but his words were still ME ME ME, which I pointed out and explained he could phrase it in a way that was more loving and less demanding, such as " I miss being with you".
We both have a way to go and so does the marriage, but at least I feel like we are heading down the right path.