If he can't "get" why after all that you've lived with (lies, more lies, verbal abuse etc...) you aren't eager to have sex right away, he's clearly got a long way to go with AA and dealing with not being utterly self-centered. Humility, empathy etc... all seem to be things that fall by the wayside with alcoholism and if he's able to think only of what his needs are right now, he needs to get to a meeting, talk to a sponsor, do some reading etc... The solution is NOT that you need to appease him.
As for talking to him about the money. I know your fear. There's no safe topics with my AH and anything even remotely related to his drinking or money spent were always topics he'd flip out about. That said, ask yourself this: if you're trying to work on your marriage and he is saying he's committed to recovery, shouldn't comfort and lack of fear about bringing up perfectly reasonable topics be pretty important pieces of the puzzle. One thing I've realized is that my AH managed to convince me over the years that totally reasonable questions, topics of conversations, attempts to problem solve etc... were me "nagging, invading his privacy, being a Nazi etc...". The fact is, spending money, being unaccountable for it and having BIG discrepancies bw the amt he said he spent and what he did spend had better well be things he's capable of discussing bc they are big issues.
I know you must be fearful he'll react the way he used to but I guess the only way to know if he's actually making the changes he says he is, is to ask him about the money and see how the conversation goes. I think you'll know within about 10 seconds whether he's actually making good recovery progress based on how he reacts.
Either he's lying about how much he spent on alcohol or he's omitting (my AH thinks ommissions aren't lies so good luck with your AH if he thinks similarly) info about what he did with the other $200 a month. You absolutely have a right to know and have a right to ask.