My wise counselor told me last week that I am trying to look at (and correct or fix) every single interaction that I had with my ex. I am losing the big picture when I do this.
In the midst of the divorce he said something to me like "I don't know when I stopped being a person of my word." This tore at my heartstrings, and I have struggled with it ever since.
After thinking and feeling about what she told me though something clicked. He had not been trustworthy really throughout our relationship, and certainly after we got married and the alcohol use really kicked in.
I have talked ad nauseum here about only looking at what he said and not his actions...that feels similar too.
I never gained that perspective though because I was so intent and focused on the one incident, that I never looked at the fact that he had not been reliable in his words, that his words and actions did not match etc. I had a similar realization about his alcohol use some time ago too.
Gosh I learn a lot from you all.