i am still riddled with flashbacks from my last drunk which involved a 6 hour blackout. i don't know which memories are real, i still don't fully know what i said or did, but have some faint memories which are mostly blurry. All i know about my blackouts is that it's further proof that my life had become unmanageable - and yet i still drank to blackout 39 days ago. how could i be so stupid? i'm an alcoholic. That's all i know about memories and blackouts. I do not believe the saying a "sober man's thoughts are a drunk man's words" because I know fully that the evil which spewed out of me during a blackout was not only insane madness, but a whole lot of words connected to a whole lot of hurt that comes from more than 30 years of spiritual bankruptcy fueled by lies.
And even with that bankruptcy, even just 38 days sober, this agnostic thanks God for AA, with or without a polygraph - because i never have to drink ever again, even when i want to.