Originally Posted by
YellowBirdy 
The more I think about what you've said about this, the more it strikes home. AH just is NOT ready to change. He is deep in denial...he has been resistant from any type of medical help all along. Also explains alot more about our relationship in general and why he had problems implementing things we learned in Marital Counseling...just refuses to work on any type of problem/issue or see that one really exists.
I hope my words don't come off as if I think it's easy to just say "well he's in denial and I'm done". I can see how obviously in denial my own AH is and (probably bc our anniversary is approaching) yet I still am having these pangs of "but I wish things could be different". And it's insane that I think that bc he's been abusive and awful for a long time... Anyway, my point is that I for one know how hard it is to separate the "what I know" from "what I feel" and I've found it easier to manage these discrepancies by telling myself that it's okay to FEEL whatever I feel, provided I don't act on it. And being apart from AH makes it a lot easier not to act.
I know eventually AH will start the cycle again with me of "I'm going to be so different" (it's sort of started a little and I've just ignored all his contact about it) and I am preparing myself for how hard it is to just say no.
I'm going to post another thread about an analogy that just occured to me that might explain what I'm saying better.
I'm thinking of you and holding you in my thoughts... You'll get through this.