I'm glad you posted if only to know someone else is traveling same road as me. We are not alone! I am also divorcing, am separated now, all within past year. We have 5 daughters.
I know just how you feel. We have been nc, because I want that for my own health & sanity. We need to communicate regarding kids. It's so hard. I also (just today) sort of got sucked into email exchange where I let myself get upset, reveal too many feelings, etc. Please don't beat yourself up. After emails I felt so sad, angry and just drained. It sort of ruined my day- just sucked the joy right out. Please take care of u and don't let the communications steal your peace and joy.
It stinks b/c they actually think it's like a normal divorce and there will be normal, healthy co-parenting. That is sort of impossible if there is still active alcoholism. Of course they will still be manipulative, dishonest, denying and possibly unsafe with kids. I just try to take care of me and girls. Whenever I get involved in talks or thinking of him it just gets me upset. Having said all that and it sounding angry, the reason it hurts is b/c I love him. It's very hard to love someone, want a life with them and not be able to have it.
It's so hard to remain fully no contact with kids. Its too bad because I feel so much better just not talking, texting, emailing. Maybe today happened for you so you could learn the lesson again?! You thought calling him was good idea. It ended up hurting you. What is the lesson??? When we know better, we do better. Thank you so much for your post. I was feeling so down for same exact reason. Wishing I communicated less! It makes me feel better, reminds me we are all a work in progress.