I've told myself the following when I am tempted lately to try and have anything resembling a sane conversation with AH or when I feel the urge to defend, rationalize, justify etc....
I tell myself that it's normal to be inclined, as a sane, rational person, to want to have a sane rational conversation with someone else. But then I remind myself that it has NEVER worked in the past to try and have that type of talk with AH and that the nature of the disease makes it (whether he drinks or not) so that he can't have a rational conversation.
I am not saying I can always stop myself in the moment BUT when I do stop and tell myself these facts above, it helps jolt me out of "but I MUST say this to him" mode...
Big hugs being sent your way... It's hard, I know...