I'm finding that even though I may be laughing and smiling I don't really feel fulfilled or happy with my life.
Me too, 100%.
But I have found this to be a motivator to seek what gives me the deep experience of joy I yearn. I am starting to tap into the arts. Meditation, great books.
I mean, an antidepressant can make the bad thoughts and bad feelings go away, but it won´t give me the spiritual experience I am thirsty for, either. All I am saying (and because I took them and first they were wonderful, then I just felt like a lifeless zombie) is that there is no "One Grand Solution", perhaps you are not taking advantage of a talent you know you have, or doing what REALLY interests you.... I hope you find the answers within.. (at least that would be cheaper, LOL)
We are on the same boat.