My therapist said my "integrity" got me out of my marriage to XAH. It took a couple of years. The actual process wasn't too hard- signed a couple of papers. We divided our own stuff so saved $ doing that on our own. Once I saw him for who he really was and NOT who I was imagining I got better- and read here on SR "let go or be dragged." My two best girlfriends helped open my eyes. One looked at me and said-He's a JERK!" and the other said- "He's just a drunk." I was sad and mad awhile. Now 4 yrs. later after the divorce I am just in gratitude to be gone.....and over it.....There were a couple of dealbreakers God put in place to help me finally decide. I found a video where he had taped of me getting dressed. (YUK) and a friend told me he was on Match.com saying he was divorced and we weren't....Those two things pushed me over to ( I want a divorce. )Now it is all good. There is no drama or lies or anger or sadness- just GRATITUDE.