Thread: Mindfulness
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Old 09-19-2011, 05:35 PM
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Augie
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 40
Mindfulness

I started on my journey in recovery a few months ago. I decided to get help and, severely depressed with no idea what to do, went in for inpatient treatment. When I got out, I started going to AA meetings. Despite some really unpleasant things happening since cleaning up -- life doesn't seem to care that I'm sober now! -- I've been doing really well. I haven't had any cravings yet (although I do find myself having relapse dreams), and in general I've been happy and excited about living without drugs and booze. For the most part, I've been enjoying the AA meetings, even if they seem at times to be really repetitive. There's often a great feeling of sober community there and I like being a part of that. Not at all convinced I need look to the supernatural to stay clean, I'm not trying to work the steps, although I can usually find something positive to say in relation to whatever step we're talking about, or maybe the principle underlying it. Seems like other nontheists do this too. "What this step means to me is...", followed by nothing that references higher power. While I run into the opinion that sobriety can only be found in the god (haven't run into any polytheists yet, as cool as that would be), most folks aren't preachy. (Sometimes I feel a little uncomfortable when I don't join in on the prayers, but I know I don't need to be.)

Before long I started hearing folks in meetings talk about mindfulness. This didn't seem to have anything to do with the steps and intrigued me. I knew what the word meant, but wasn't at all familiar with mindfulness in relation to sobriety or personal change. I don't remember exactly what led to what, but I got started meditating, learning about Buddhist concepts and practices, MBRP(CT/SR), reading folks like Thich Nhat Hanh and Jon Kabatt-Zinn and now, a few months later, I think of the mindful practices I've taken up as central to my recovery. I think I've become far more self-aware than I've ever been and love the sort of buffer zone mindfulness cultivates between awareness and thoughts/emotions. I had no idea just how much of the anxiety I've experienced most of my life was self-inflicted. Someone might say or do something that made me anxious, then I'd get angry about letting them do that to me, then anxious about getting angry, etc etc. I wouldn't even have any idea this was going on. I don't know for sure, but I suspect these chain reactions often resulted in calls to my dealer or trips to the liquor store. Now I seem to be much more quickly aware of thoughts and feelings as they arise, and I'm continually surprised at how they lose their force simply in virtue of being clearly recognized and not judged or reacted to. Maybe even more importantly, I'm learning to see the joy in whatever is right front of me, right now!

I continue to hear folks talking in AA meetings about the role concepts that seem closely related to mindfulness have played in their recovery: patience, trust, acceptance, living in the moment, compassion, going with the flow (or non-striving), not trying to control everything, etc., and I think this is cool. Still, I'm beginning to wonder just how many folks in AA would find a clearer expression of what's helping them in, say, a Sober Eightfold Path meeting rather than a 12-Step meeting!

I'd love to hear about how mindfulness has figured into your recovery, if you'd care to share.

This is a great site and I love this forum -- I wish I'd discovered it earlier!
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