Hang in there! You deserve a good life and days that are happy and peaceful.
For me, when I finally separated from my AH of 16 years, the peace in my home was incredible. The pain is still there, but it's manageable. I'm less lonely living alone than I was living with my AH. And SR and Al Anon have been a lifesaver. Sitting in a room full of people who "get" it is really comforting.