(((Deb))) - I've missed a whole page (been busy with school work).
My dad is a "reformed smoker", my stepmom, niece, and I smoke. He likens it to my addiction, and though I KNOW it's an addiction, I remind him "smoking hasn't put me in jail, had me selling myself on the streets or shooting up drugs into my veins (I did the opiates before crack)". It's not that I'm downplaying smoking cigarettes as an addiction, it just doesn't take you to the same place we addicts of drugs/alcohol go. Not to say I haven't known people to turn off their oxygen to light up a cig
As far as letting him know what's going on with your life, I wouldn't think of it as throwing it in his face. Simple things like just mentioning what you've done that day, ran into so-and-so, went out to eat, whatever. If he grumbles and gripes that HE can't do that (which I did, at the beginning, saying "must be nice" sarcastically) just blow it off. A really good response I learned here is "hmmm"
Remember, you have a right to live life as best you can. His actions got him where he is, and he can learn from them if he chooses. I use the "hmmm" a lot when my niece is whining about something and if she continues, I remind her about "consequences" at which point she hangs up on me.
Regardless, I feel the seeds are being planted in her brain, just as they were mine, and though she may not act on them for a time, it's amazing the things you remember when you're thinking more clearly.
Hugs and prayers,