Hi December,
Watching a child die by their own hands, is horrible. I believe the wrenching grief is comparable to few things anyone could/should ever endure. The addicts just don't care about themselves, as the drugs have control mentally and physically. I do believe they feel helpless. No one would want to continue using drugs, if they were not addicted. That is where we have compassion.
One wants to live (cancer) and has no choice, the other doesn't seem to care because of the effects on their brain and body. Our sons are doing this to themselves. They are addicted as a result of choices, and dying.
Mom of addict, to mom of addict, I do know what you are going through. I know someone who lost their child to Cystic Fibrosis. A beautiful, talented, incredible young woman. I would never compare, because her daughter wanted to live. I believe the grief level is comparable, but not socially acceptable. The grief we go through is what makes us so sick, not just the "enabling" (if we do that). I'm not stating this well, and I am sorry. I just know if it was my child dying of a medical condition other than drugs, my friends (hah!) would be much more supportive of me.
There really needs to be a national support group for parents of addicts and alcoholics. We suffer differently than those whose spouses or parents/friends are alcoholics. Few can walk away from a child who is dependent on drugs or alcohol. Little compassion socially at any stage.
In fact, society blames us (parents) for not doing our job. I know I did not introduce my son to drugs, and always spoke against drugs as you did. Society does not care, and neither did I until it happened to our child.
Deb