sorry you are going throu all of this...but you have AL ANON..go back and keep going back....the room carries lots of wisdom in those rooms...or NAR ANON will help too..youre lucky if you have one where you live, i dont...but i keep going back, and keep working on me and my recovery of my codependeny...i work and work this program every single day for me and my SANITY....
your son needs to hit rock bottom, and that is the only way you can help him....
its our kids...its a struggle with tough love..