I hoped for advice, not sarcasm. The site consists of words, which I believe many have found helpful.
I love my child. He is drowning in drugs. I cannot simply "take care" of myself while he kills himself.
I am not looking for magic words.
I am sorry that I upset you. I did not mean to be sarcastic.
I was always looking for the magic words that would make my AH see what he was doing and how it was affecting us. I thought it was my fault that I could not make him see this. I thought if I could just phrase it right, with enough emotion, he would finally understand and want to change.
After he was hospitalized and went through a horrifying detox I was so glad he had the alcohol out of him and the shakes would be gone and the drinking over and life would be good again. He refused any programs and any follow up doctor appointments and went right back to drinking on release. I couldn't believe that he still didn't understand how awful this was for him, me, the kids, our marriage. I thought I had failed to explain it to him properly. I had failed everyone.
That's when I finally went to Alanon. I thought they would give me a lesson on how to make him stop. I thought they had the tried and true way of getting an alcoholic to stop. I was furious at my first meeting when they were telling me that I had the problem and I had to change and that there were no magic words. I felt cheated. I had looked for so long for the magic phrase that could change everything. (I did stick with Alanon, 3 years now, and it's made a huge difference for me, although he still drinks daily.)
When things were at there worst I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep, I was on edge and worried all day, every day. When I see pictures of me from that time I look so different from before those awful days, and thankfully, so different from now. I didn't mean to sound trite. I just found, for me, everything is easier to handle when I make sure to look after myself, to make myself eat when everything had no taste, to rest even when sleep would not come. When everything was spinning out of control, that is all I could control.
My heart does ache for you. I am sorry my words added to your pain.