Tragic
I'm in my midtwenties and been dependant on alcohol since I was 19. I'm drinking gently right now (feeling very fragile.)
Tomorrow I go to my first AA meeting.
The guilt over the lost relationships and opportunities over the years has become so intense I've begun to have anxiety/panic attacks in the morning after drinking.
A few times, after a particularly bad session, I have what I believe is a nervous breakdown lasting a week+.
Earlier tonight I learnt that the only girl I truely loved is now happily in a relationship and pregnant with their child. I always believed and hoped intensely we would get back together. It was my drinking that ended us. Three times.
Now it's the end of the line for alcohol. Quitting and facing the truth of the last 7 years is all I have left, and I have the opportunity to do it now while I still have a little semblance of a life left.
I wish I could make a more upbeat introduction!
I thought I could handle alcohol, I dismissed the consequences of my drinking. I reasoned I was just another young man out pubbing and clubbing, or having a can (or 8) of lager to unwind in the evening. But that delusion has finally broken down.