((((hug)))) glad you came here to type it all out. We all had those red flags, but for whatever reason just didn't want to accept them at that time. I think back and ask myself why I didn't want better for me. There were a mixture of reasons, I loved him, I didn't love me enough, no one is perfect, my self esteem was not high enough, the examples my parents set were worse (my dad is also an A), I thought maybe my expectations were too high, etc. Not sure how things were for you, but over time things so very slowly got worse, and we added kids, and more kids and the good times together got less and less. Finally I reached the point of being miserable and my life felt unmanageable. Suddenly all those red flags of the past seemed like glowing neon signs, and I became angry at myself for letting it all unfold the way it did.
Courage to change... you and I both finally got it. I am trying to forgive myself, my RAH and let go of those resentments that pushed me over the edge and gave me the courage I needed. Now I ask myself what am I going to do with the rest of my life? There is plenty of living still left to do and what I know is my life will not look like the last 20 years.