Tuffgirl

My RAH announced this morning - in an email - that he wants to proceed with a divorce. Yesterday was our 2nd wedding anniversary. For those newcomers...we've been together 4 years, and living separately for 9 months as we both work on our recoveries...his from alcoholism and mine from craziness due to living with an alcoholic.

I had been out of town the past week, got home late Thursday night, tried to call him, no answer. Sent a text message that we were home, and his response was "good deal". Yesterday no call. Last night a vague email about his memory of our wedding day. This morning I finally responded with a "shame you couldn't say these things to my face and instead do it in an email" and his response...let's get a divorce. There was more said...blaming me of course...the usual...none of which bears repeating.

Ok then. Divorce it is.

When is enough enough? What is everyone's 'tipping point'? Sometimes its something so small and innocuous that just sends you into the point of no return. What little respect I had for him...what I was trying to gain back over the summer of "trying to work on our relationship" just completely went out the window.

So tonight I sit here in my living room, watching the yellow leaves swirl around my back deck, and feel strangely relieved. Sad that he chose this path, disappointed that my dream for marriage didn't even remotely come true, but relieved that I can look back on the last 4 years and know I did the best I could. Oh sure, I wasn't perfect. But I did everything with the best of intentions and with as much grace as I could. I loved, regardless of the outcome. I took a leap of faith and that makes me a courageous person.

And the funny thing is...that guy I fell in love with...the one I haven't seen for over two years now...I still love that guy. I always will. And I miss him dearly. "He" may not have been real, but for me it was, and I am happy about that.

Thanks for listening.
~T