My two cents. Bottom Line: it is NOT anyone's responsibility to make life "comfortable" for anyone else. Alcoholics are not responsible for making us comfortable and vice versa. If a situation makes a person uncomfortable they have a choice: speak up appropriately and ask for what they need and if the other party can help, they get to make that choice OR leave the situation and find a place where they are more comfortable. I have lived in codie-land way too long and will never again feel I am responsible for how someone else feels because of the choices I make. And on the other side of the coin, no one else is responsible for how I feel and so if I find myself in a situation that I do not like (whether my comfort is "right" or not) it is MY responsibility as a grown up, to remove myself- NOT someone else's job to fix it for me.
I also just want to add that I think it's crummy that Painterman is being asked to consider his UNRECOVERED AW's feelings because he feels like having a drink. His wife seems to be fully capable of trying to make him feel that's wrong already-- I am pretty sure he doesn't need to be made to feel that here. If his wife is uncomfortable with he and their daughter having a drink she has choices. Alcoholism is a disease but it isn't one that impacts the ability to make any choices at all. If she's sober and upset that he's drinking she could call a sponsor, go to a meeting, talk to her H about how she feels, read a book, go for a walk etc... Painterman is not responsible for his AW's feelings or her choices.