Thanks, Murray. I think I really do benefit from face to face contact in terms of recovery, but that the AA thing is just not a good fit for me, the more I explore it, the harder it becomes to feel much connection to it, and the more distant people seem to become from me, like I am some invading organism. Which, I suppose, I am, in that I don't believe in the 'group canon' (BB), the steps, and all that, so the human contact I seek is muddied, muffled and conditional. It seems like there are a lot more alternative groups on the west coast...here, it is pretty much impossible to find anything but AA, unless you have a car, and a normal schedule.
Maybe I am just lonely, there is also that. But not lonely enough to find going to AA much of a help/solace/feeling of connecting to others. Arg. Why this longing? Why so alone feeling?
Day 51.
A week of rain, but no desire to drink...mainly just to rest.