Thanks Anvilhead and hadenoughnow.
hadenoughnow - sorry it had to come to that with your ex.
Anvilhead - As I mentioned previously, stbxah does not respect boundaries/rules at all.... I, the codependent, have struggled with boundaries all my life and only now slowly learning to have boundaries and stick to them.. My sister mentioned the same - that I need to be really firm with him. I felt defensive and hurt when she said that but there was truth in it..I will work on the firmess..He is an extremely difficult personality as well..If it had been me, I would never go to anyone's house if they specifically told me not to come..