Originally Posted by
Hayfmr 
. I didn't want a divorce but I was finished living with a drunk
This pretty much sums it up for me. After 18 months of therapy and a scare from the doctor, I decided that my health and my life were important - I was important and I could no longer live with the drinking. He told me that he was going to drink for the rest of his life and if I didnt like it I could leave. I left my AH of 23yrs and moved into a place of my own, living on my own for the first time in my life (45yrs and grown up DD's).
I still loved my husband despite all of what I had been through with him which included verbal abuse, an emotional internet affair, porn, smoking behind my back, lies, feeling lonely, coming second to beer, coming second to work! I just couldnt live with the drinking anymore (I had tried and tried) as it was begining to effect my health and happiness, so I was done. I have been able to put a lot of things behind me and repair the relationship and have had numerous councelling sessions in the past. Sometimes you have to draw a line in the sand to move forward. You never forget but can forgive.
Sometimes I think that I 'let things go' due to my own issues, likely caused through the verbal abuse. I suppose that I put up with a lot in my marriage that more 'healthy' people wouldnt even entertain!
About eight weeks after leaving and going no contact, my AH asked to meet up with me. I thought about it for a few days and decided that I would go just to see what he had to say. He was a bit of a wreck, very shakey, had lost a lot of weight and tearful. He told me that he had reached his rock bottom, was getting help from his doctor and was seeing a therapit. He didnt want to loose me and knew that he had to stop drinking for the rest of his life.
I told him that my boundary was that I was no longer going to live with drinking in my life ever again and the ball was in his court.
He has been sober for 4 weeks now and seems genuine about his desire to stop drinking. He is still in therapy, still sees his doctor regulary, reads books on alcoholism and works a programme. It is very early days, I am watching from afar and I am busy trying to keep the focus on my life and making sure that I stay healthy.
My AH is back to behaving like the man I love and we do have a long term plan to get back together again but we dont intend to rush into anything. 'Time will tell'