Hi, and thank you for viewing this thread.
For legal reasons I will not reveal where I live, my name, nor the name
of anyone else. I am troubled and need the kind of help that I can only recieve behind the anonymity of the internet. I would very much appreciate a response, even to my ponderings about proportionate revenge and suicide. Thanks.
I'm 16 and my Dad has been an alcoholic off and on for the first 12 years of my life. He kept promising to quit, then finally did and turned to heroin. Then after he came clean from that, and now he is doing crystal meth. He was once a dentist but has lost his practice, his friends and some of his family. He lies and manipulates and steals from his own family. I have developed a condition called GERD where stomach acid comes up my throat and burns the insides of my mouth and makes it difficult for me to breath because of stress directly related to my Dad. Also, besides that, I have been stressed out and visibly troubled at school because of worrying and hatred. My Dad won't admit he has a problem, and is a sick twisted individual. I live at two seperate households, my Dad's and my Mom's, but I have stayed at my Dad's for roughly half the time out of a feeling of guilt if I don't, like I'm abandoning him. He snaps at me sometimes and refuses to admit he does certain drugs. He also stole money from me and some of my friends I had invited over. He also threatened my step sister with a knife after an argument. I have read at length about two forms of justice. One involves love and forgiveness, while the other is called proportionate revenge, where you get justice by inflicting the same amount of pain you received, back at the person who gave it to you. I'm thinking I could get revenge by deserting my Dad for years, telling him he is awful and sick, and refusing to return any calls or emails until he is clean and has his dental license back. Because I am my Dad's only son this would have a devastating effect on him and make him feel immensely guilty. Would proportionate revenge be justified in this situation? I feel tempted to make his life a living hell for two or three years because I have tried to get him to stop taking drugs but he always relapses, manipulates and lies.
On a side note, if my Dad committed suicide because of a huge amount of guilt at the pain he's caused me, would it be sick and twisted myself to get a bittersweet satisfaction from that? Like he repaying his crimes with his most valuable asset, his life? Also, is it possible for me to be prosecuted for contributing to my Dad's suicide if he did kill himself after I deserted him and told him how much I hated him? I live in North America if that helps to determine the legal standards.
