Yellow Birdy-
I spoke to a colleague and good friend of AH's this winter at the recommendation of a family member and several other friends in hopes that the good friend/colleague would be able to "help" AH in ways I couldn't. Like you I did this with all good intentions (I asked myself a lot before I spoke to C what my reasons were and all I could come up with was that I was worried sick about AH and several other friends of AH's convinced me that C would be able to help where we all hadn't).
Like you I instantly felt I'd betrayed him (and continue to feel this if I share our dirty little family secret). Sadly, the friend has since turned on me and late this Spring sent me a series of emails telling me how awful I am and how I clearly was just trying to badmouth AH when I'd reached out in the winter (this is what AH believes and convinced friend of).
Lesson learned: no matter how desperately I want to help and how good an idea I think it is, I will never again involve others in AH's issues. I'll reach out to friends if I want help for me, but trying to involve others to help AH just blows up in our faces I think....
Sorry you are hurting so much. So many of us have been there/are there...
Thinking of you.