((((Birdy)))) Try not to awfulize! I'm champion at that, and it has never done me one bit of good......
When I feel as though I have spoken 'out of turn', I try to sincerely and humbly apologize and make amends. If my amends are not accepted, then that belongs to the other person, and I need to let it go.
None of us can or will judge you, and I think all of us can understand what compelled you to do it. Please take good care of yourself!
Hugs, HG