Originally Posted by
breakingglass 
it dawned on me that maybe if my AH quit drinking all together i might just not want to be with him anymore anyway.
I had this same realization last night and had to admit to myself that at some level, I am afraid that he
will get into recovery. There is so much hurt and betrayal that I am not sure I could ever get past it and go back to living with my AH.
I read on another thread where someone said they didn't know if they were missing what
was, or what they had
hoped for. That hit me. I think I am grieving/missing what I had hoped for in our marriage, that never was to begin with, alcohol or no alcohol. I am having to look very hard at that right now as I struggle to find my Self in all this mess.