View Single Post
Old 09-02-2011, 06:09 AM
  # 13 (permalink)  
GettingBy
Member
 
GettingBy's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Upstate NY
Posts: 1,637
Originally Posted by FindingPeace1 View Post
I didn't like when he was needy, but I also must have secretly liked it because it made me feel needed. His love made me feel loved. He made me feel needable. Loveable.
Wow, FP... I think that's something I'm starting to become aware of in me. Reading what you just wrote... I heard bells going off all over the place.

I have always "taken care" (ie controlled) my AH. He needed me for just about everything. It was a love/hate relationship we had... he needed help, I was glad to give it, my helping him made him feel crappy/helpless so he resented me for helping him... I then in turn resented him for being lazy.

Obviously there is more to it than that... there's that whole element of trying to control and manipulate each other... but this morning... I SEE IT. I see the cycle of dysfunction in our relationship. I see how it fits the drama triangle that LaTeeDa posted yesterday.

I see now that detaching from him is better for both of us. Letting him handle "his stuff" and not sticking my nose in it... fixing it... controlling it... letting him have dignity. It's better for both of us... but I think you're spot on, part of me liked being needed. I liked the power it gave me. It helped me feel strong/superior. Unhealthy.

I'm grateful for you posting that FP... that was exactly what I needed this morning.

Thanks,
Shannon

P.S. sorry for the OT ramble Mike!
GettingBy is offline