I so feel you!
And when you think you have grieved all that you can...well, lo and behold! There is something new to put you in a funk!
For me, it was my XAH emailing to say he didn't need his old phone and number because he had a new phone and number and I was left reeling. Silly, I know! I divorced him. Of course he is moving on and not giving me his number...I just felt so...unloved and uneeded.
I didn't like when he was needy, but I also must have secretly liked it because it made me feel needed. His love made me feel loved. He made me feel needable. Loveable. Now that he is moving on I feel like the wind got knocked out of me!
Oh, right. I have had an other-esteem rather than a self-esteem.
He was boosting me up.
Well, there's the work to do, eh?
So, I get it.
One day at a time for all of us working through this!
Peace,
fp