Most of my life I've been the "what if" and worrying about what's coming next and what I need to do next type of person. I am sure there's a reason for that related to having grown up in chaos but regardless, it hasn't been until I started dealing with what alcoholism has done to me and what my codependence has done to me, that I realized the world probably wouldn't end if I didn't have it all figured out rightnow....
To all who talked about how quickly kids grow... I really see that-- even though mine are still little (3 and just barely 6), I can't really recall a lot of happiness in the past 6 yrs and I've missed A LOT of time with them bc I've been obsessed with AH. And worse, THEY have missed a lot of time with a mother who ought to have been devoted to them and to herself and who wasn't.
D3 started preschool this week, D6 started 1st grade and I'm relishing every second I have with them. I am glad I am unemployed and wouldn't trade being able to pick them up and drop them off and spend oodles of time with them that I haven't been able to spend when I've been working crazily (for what? to earn $ for AH to blow?) for the past number of years.
I was talking to a childhood friend of mine who brought his daughter to D6's bday party this past weekend about my priorities and was saying that my kids are my priority- not my career (vs others who are more career driven which is what is right for them). His Dad recently passed away and he said that in the last weeks that they spent with his Dad at hospice, no one talked about what he'd done for work or how much he'd earned. They talked about the memories of times spent together and things done together and he said that he and his wife (who I'm also good friends with) had many talks during those weeks about reprioritizing their lives so that they had more time with their kids. It was really nice to talk to him and realize that I have friends who can be more like family to me than my own family and who share the same values I do....