I agree with having your responses practiced and ready.
To the person that invites us to an event:
No thank you.
To the person that invites us to an event (digging for info):
No thank you, I have plans.
To the person that invites us to an event that I want to attend (not likely to happen since "our" friends were heavy drinkers):
I would love to come, but I can not answer for spouse as we are seperated currently.
To the well intentioned (read busy body and gossip) friend that wants to save your marriage and says "why didn't you let me know - I could have helped you both" followed by more badgering:
I actually said: "Because I did not trust you with this information"
My Alanon meetings helped me to understand that I did not owe an explanation for my personal choices to anyone. They were my choices and I shared the reasons with only a select few that would respect my decisions. I found most of those trusted people at my Alanon meetings and here at SR.
Unfortunately, the circle of people I socialized with were active drinkers, or active prescription drug abusers, or deeply religious and their personal views prevented them from supporting my decisions. I believe there was only a handful of people out of my circle of friends that truly supported me during that time.
So not only was I grieving the loss of my relationship, I was grieving the loss of friendships. The good news is that I came to understand that my HP was helping me remove unhealthy relationships from many areas of my life.