Thanks for checking in with the family!
We care about you, and we understand.
I had some of the same feelings you are experiencing. The no contact and finality of the situation caused anxiety. I needed help and a social worker friend helped me out a bit.
I also found help from Melody Beatties book Codependent No More. I had already read it several times, but went back to it for the chapter on grieving. You see, I was grieving the loss of what might have been, what could have been, what should have been, and the end of a dream.
Gentle hugs to you as you work your way through this.
Please continue to post and express yourself. What you are feeling are normal healthy responses to a major life change.
(((hugs)))