Just feeling really bad right now, (to the point of almost having of what I think is an anxiety attack) and there are not any Al-Anon meetings in my area today so I thought I should post. I have the day off work because I had a court date but did not have to go -- an injunction was filed so we did not have to appear. AH has to avoid all contact with me for 1 year. Thing is, that this is killing me. Maybe I should not have filed a Restraining Order. I was hopeful that we could work on our marriage, although I do understand he needs to face his disease and work on himself first. I guess I am still in a little bit of denial too, but shouldn't I at least be taking comfort that I took steps toward recovery (individual counseling for over a year now, marriage counseling with AH, previously started and now going again to Al-Anon)? I thought I read somewhere that even if your ASpouse doesn't seek any help for themselves, by you taking the first steps toward recovery, they might take steps for theirs too. Of course, having no contact for a year, my AH will not have any clue about what I'm doing. I am a mess.